poetry – Aalmaa

A hyphen

Each memory I had in my twentiesopened my chestand searched for what still felt alive—like it knew where to stab. All my screamswent unnoticed. Cuffed trauma found its key,unleashed the worst,and devoured my memories. Should I thank itor cry— for eatingwhat was eating me? I will never knowuntil the last hope dies,until my screamsare noticed.Continue reading “A hyphen”

Too much

”Too much.” That’s what it feels like when I love people. I feel too deeply. Too intensely. Sometimes I don’t even know why or what makes me love this much. But I do know this, if I didn’t let even a little of it out, I think I’d suffocate in my own love. Only recentlyContinue reading “Too much”

Sometimes, I don’t want to disappear.

Sometimes, I don’t want to disappear. I want to learn German, to know the roots of words that once felt foreign and make them my own. I already read, write, and speak in four languages. And I write with both hands, in reverse, in every single one of them. I paint, I speak the languageContinue reading “Sometimes, I don’t want to disappear.”

Too Much” Was Never Wrong

I admire people loudly, weirdly, unapologetically. There was a time I held myself back from everything because when I cared, nobody did. My availability made me feel valueless, even when I gave my all. I loved with a full heart, in the loudest way possible and somehow, that made me ashamed. Not because I wasContinue reading “Too Much” Was Never Wrong”

Late, but never less.

A flower that bloomed late… Not in the garden… But in the heart. A breeze that blew late… Not in the air… But through my memories. A light that came late… Not in the sky… But in your face l’ve seen before. But feelings? Never late. They waited, patiently, Until today. Happiness? Never late. ItContinue reading “Late, but never less.”

The Quiet Language of Love

I write. Not to impress. Not for fun. I write because I often don’t know how to say the things I carry in my heart, but I can write them. And when I write, I feel every single word. I write for my people. For those who matter. I cook. But not for everyone. IContinue reading “The Quiet Language of Love”

Forgotten

I may have forgotten how to feel… Yeah, I forgot. I was busying myself. I thought pain was hell. No, Busying yourself to avoid pain is hell. At some point, you will forget it, Because you are teaching yourself not to remember how to feel. Yeah, I forgot, And now I am in hell. IContinue reading “Forgotten”

സ്നേഹം

അതെ ഞാൻ ഒരുപാട് മാറി… എനിയ്ക്ക് തന്നെ തിരിച്ചറിയാൻ കഴിയാത്തത്ര മാറി. “വേദനിക്കിലും വേദനിപ്പിക്കിലും വേണമീ സ്നേഹബന്ധങ്ങളൂഴിയിൽ” എന്നതെത്ര സത്യം. വളരെയധികം വേദനിച്ച വേദനിപ്പിച്ച സൗഹൃദങ്ങളുടെയും സ്നേഹങ്ങളുടെയും ആകെത്തുകയാണ് ഞാൻ. വേദനിച്ചു എന്നൊക്കെ പറയുമ്പോൾ ടോക്സിക് ആയി മാത്രം കാണണ്ട അത്രയധികം സന്തോഷങ്ങളും സ്നേഹവും ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നതിനാലാണ് വേദനയും ഉണ്ടായത്. കുറച്ച് വർഷങ്ങൾക്ക് മുൻപേയുള്ള എന്നെയും എനിക്കിഷ്ടമാണ്. പക്ഷേ ഇന്നത്തത്ര ഹൃദയവിശാലതയോ, കരുണയോ, ദയയോ, അനുകമ്പയോ എന്നിലുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല എന്നതാണ് സത്യം. ചുരുക്കി പറഞ്ഞാൽ കൂടുതൽ മനുഷ്യനായി തോന്നുന്നത് ഇപ്പോഴാണ്.Continue reading “സ്നേഹം”