There are days when a show isn’t just a show.
When a scene lingers long after the credits roll.
When characters stop being fiction and become reflections of the most tender, hidden parts of ourselves.
Since last month, it was Dr. Rathi and Reena.
And no, I’m not just emotional. I’m undone.
I sent a note to Anu, yes, the actor, the one who breathed life into the character. I told her how the episodes made me feel. I told her how layered and soulful it all was. But what I didn’t say…what I couldn’t say… was how deeply I was hurting…. And yes, of course I know the difference between a character and an actor.
A Hug Wasn’t Enough
Yes, I wished for Dr. Radhi and Reena to hug. But more than that…
I wanted Reena to hold Dr. Radhi and never let go.
Because when I look at Rathi, I don’t see a fictional woman.
I see someone who carries a silence that aches.
I see a mother who is willing to be gentle even when she’s breaking.
A woman who opens the door again and again, even when her child won’t walk through it.
And when I see that, the heaviness inside wins. I break down.
Because in her(Dr Radhi), I see something I have longed for all my life.
What About Radhi?
Everyone surrounds Reena with support. They listen to her, comfort her, understand her pain.
But what about Radhi?
Who holds her when she sleeps alone at night?
Who listens when she wants to say just one sentence to her daughter but can’t find the courage?
Who sees her?? really sees her?
My heart… it still aches for her.
There’s a lump in my throat and a tightness in my chest that won’t go away.
Because this woman, this fictional mother
She reminds me of the mother I never had.
I Wanted a Mom
There. I said it.
Not for sympathy.
Not for validation.
But because I’m tired of hiding behind metaphors and screenplays.
Sometimes I watch these shows and I’m not watching with the eyes of a 31 year old woman.
I’m watching with the heart of a child.
A child who once waited for a mother who never came.
And maybe still does.
Even now, as I write this, tears blur my screen. I don’t know how I’m supposed to “move on” from fictional characters when they have unlocked real, buried pain. I don’t know how to breathe through scenes that feel more honest than many of my own memories.
If I Were Reena
If I were Reena, I wouldn’t let anyone keep me away from Radhi.
Not pride.
Not pain.
Not ego.
Not even the truth.
And maybe I wouldn’t tell her I’m her daughter.
Maybe I’d just stay nearby, loving her quietly.
Without disrupting her world.
Without asking for anything in return.
Just so I could be close to that kind of love.
Even if it wasn’t mine to claim.
I Know It’s Just a Show… Right?
I know it’s fictional.
I know there’s a writer and a director making choices.
But art doesn’t have to be real to be true.
And this story, this ache, feels true in ways life hasn’t always allowed me to feel.
Maybe one day I will learn how to watch without emotions.
Maybe one day I will stop crying over characters.
But not today.
Because today, my heart still beats in sync with a woman named Radhi,
and the child inside me still whispers:
“I wanted a mom too.”
To the Anus of the world who give lives to the characters like this, writers who create stories like this, thank you. You may never read these words, but you’ve helped me meet a piece of myself I thought I’d buried. And that’s no small thing. ❤️
Aalmaa 